teenage challenges....rebellion or not

To some...I was rebellious (and yet got away with it) while to others i was being a typical teenager, to many I was normal, while to others I was disobeying God.

I  had come from a strict religious background.  Pretty much we were not allow "dating" or any kind of boy/girl relationship.  It was forbidden. And if you are caught...God forbid....you were in trouble.  In my case, beaten.

I remember in my teens before leaving for academy, I met this guy at an Adventist summer camp. I really liked him.   He was from Richmond VA and I was from Culpeper Va.   So we had to find a way to communicate. Somehow we found a way to create a code for our letters and we used that so that if my folks found the letters they had NO way of knowing of what we said.  And although I created the code...lol...I still needed my cheat sheet. I just didn't know it by hard like I should.  (LOL).  Well, my folks found out about it and demanded I tell them what the letter said.  I, of course, was not going to tell them.  That was considered private in my eyes and it was NOT their business.  Because I refused to tell them, I, of course, got a beaten for it.  I don't mean a spanking-but a beating. Black and blue!  

This made me angry and more rebellion.  My folks were pushing my buttons and pushing me further and further away not only from them but their religeon.   You can't change who I am or my personal goals and wishes.  And I was making sure they wouldn't brain wash me either.  I was tired of the beatens in one hand and the bible in the other hand.  I was tired of their religeon being pushed down my throat.   It was not the way to win people to God. 

Of course, the rest of my teen years I had my ups and downs and yes even hidden relationships and/or crushes on guys but I knew I had to be really careful and yet there were times I was also accused of things that weren't even true.    I wanted to change my life.  But it was hard to when people were being to pushy their religious beleifs that at times I wasn't sure I was surely convinced myself of my own beliefs.  I believed in God and I believed what the Bible said about the Sabbath but I was surely upset on how they were doing other things simply this old lady from the 1800's said.    I believed in step by step-step 1. take each as baby steps but I didn't believe in pushing people on stuff they were NOT ready for.  It has to come from their hearts of their own beliefs and not be forced.    (hoping this makes sense.) 

By the time I graduated from Academy, I went to a place which was almost as bad as the academy and where my folks had got all their beleifs from.  Why i went I don't know- but I was broke and I didn't know where else to go and I thought at least I can find a place to survive on ....and I did want to take some classes from there too.  But while at Wildwood, i met a guy I liked.  I knew of the rules there and yet I was now in my most rebellion time of my life.  Of course, Clarke and I snook around - we had too.  It wasn't to difficult but we did it.  I can't remmeber why we "broke up" but we did.  But he was a good looking guy and I did like alot about him.   

Yesterday I ran into a photo of a friend who reminded me of this guy I met while at Wildwood.   I got involve with another guy. I can't remember how I met him but knew his parent lived on the campus.  Somehow we got hooked up and I remember it was during some evangelistic services in the Chattanooga area.  

Eventually things starting going down hill for me that even my depression was worsened.  

My teens years believe it or not was just normal- typical.   There was really nothing unusual about it. But for the Religious "cult" that we belonged to - I was disobeying God.  I was rebellion.  I was not doing God's work.  

I was trying to be me.  I was learning to "grow up" on my own. I was not perfect. I was learning from my own mistakes.  I was learning to be an adult.  I was learning how to survive.    

And sometimes...with some of us...it takes a while to grow up!