Unconditional Love

I am so fret up!!!

You know everything I do and try to do is usually about Timothy.

Its not about me.  Its not about anyone else.

I fight and advocate all I can with the little help/support I get for Timothy....and if I do get some, its amazing how people put so much energy in lying, manipulating, making up stories and just complain and bitch about it.

For God's sake, I'm not being selfish in any way. I have made my sacrifices..many of them.  I do what I can with the little I do have.  And if I ask for help- at least be postive about it and not complain and bitch about it.  For God's sake, its about saving Timothy.  Its NOT about Saving Dee or anyone else.

Timothy is my priority.  I have given up so much to help him...including working at a real job.  He requires 24/7 care.  There are many things he absolutely can't do for himself.  And when there are no nurses, I have to do it.  I do it for FREE.  I do it because I'm his mother. I do it because I'm family. I do it because I CARE!!! Its what family does, right?   We love and care enough to give up alot to make sure they have the best care ever.   I don't get paid for caring my son.  I don't get paid for advocating from him.  I don't get paid ...period.  But yet all I hear from family is bitching and complaining.   Excuse me???  You have a freaking job.  You have other income.  You can take your damn vacations and buy your toys and so on. When do I get to do this?? Will I ever get to.   And If I ask for help because we just don't have the funds for that money to do it right now...instead of bitching and complaining...do it because it is family.

funny...when I had the money and they needed help. I gladly did it.  I did it. Do you know why???  Because they were family and there was NO need to complain and bitch about it. Nor was there any need to bring anything in the past up.  You do it because that is what family does.  You care enough to do it.  And the thing is I promised to pay back and that is my intention.   Honestly. (if that child support ever shows up).  however, I never asked for anything more.   and if you voluntarily give money as a gift...don't lie and say that I demaned it when I never did such thing and don't beg for it back.  

People seem to not care about Timothy.   I have found quite a few selfish people in my family.  Seems like things are now considred "conditioned".   "I'll help only if you...."  you know?  Yet- when I helped, I never gave any conditions. It was all done with unconditional love.   Unconditional love.  Becuase that is what family does.  No expectations. Not asking for anything else.  You do it because that is what family is about. No complaints.  Gladly do it.  Because family helps each other...right?  

I don't know what it is with my family and why things have to be conditioned "no help unless....you pay me back."  And I have always kept my word paying people back cuz I do pay back.  But what I hate is when I do pay people back....people have the nerve to lie and accuse me of shit and say I never paid them back knowing I did pay them back. I hate liars.

Right now...I owe the bank money. I don't have extra money. The electric will be cut off today because the last extention has already given. So tonight I'll have to call 911 and have Tim transferred to the hospital.  I don't know if they can admit him because he is not sick.   So we probably have to sit in the lobby and bore ourselves.  Its what we have to do to survive.  Waiting to hear back from one doctor of what to do next.  Waiting to hear from another doctor too.   I'm afraid to go grocery shopping now. not sure if we will have power or not.

Folks...family is about unconditional love.   You do things for family because  you love and care about them no matter what.  If disucussion is about paying back then accept it but don't put conditions on it.  And don't lie and make up stories.  Its not going to get you anywhere nor is it going to make you more powerful and it will for sure won't be a control thing either. 

You know...every day I'm thankful to God for how He has many times has helped and supplied for us. He has done  many wonderful things for us that I have NO RIGHT to bitch or complain. I'm thankful for the blessings He has with us.  I'm thankful for the blessing that Tim is still with us. IT  is God's powerful love and compassion that we are still here and that we can be that blessing to the many outt there.  I really have nothing to complain about.  God has always helped us in times we least expected.  He has never failed us.

That my folks is...Unconditional love.